I'm completely irreversibly broken.

I know I have PCOS, I know I have/had endometriosis, I know I may be killing of John's man swimmers, but somehow I'm delusional enough to think that somehow I can get pregnant again. This is not true. I had my "let's see if you ovulated" blood test last week. I needed the level to be at a 10 or more, and mine was a 0.2. Not even a 1, this was on fertility drugs. I've been to two reproductive endocrinologists, 2 ob/gyns, and a nurse practitioner who let me medicate myself. I wasn't even close to the levels I need to be at. They don't know what to do with me. I won't have any more biological children.

We are moving right along on the adoption process, and I want to adopt, I really do. I just thought that maybe after we adopted 1 or 2, I might get pregnant. I don't know why, I just did. I don't think biological children are any better than adopted ones, in fact adopted children are pretty darn special in that they have 2 mothers that love them deeply.

The other sad note is, I'm so broken that I will have to continue to take all my stupid medicines at night until I go through menopause. So that means 7 pills a night, until I get all moody and sweaty and hairy (well that's how some people describe menopause) I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little pissy today and I've cried so much my perfect make up job from this morning has transformed me into a crack whore look a like, which ironically crack whore seem to be very fertile, and I'm not.

We've been questioned

We met with our adoption guy yesterday. He asked us some fun questions. I don't think he was adequately prepared for my responses, but really, who ever is? He didn't see any red flags for us so we're on for the next step. He comes to check our house out next week and assuming it look suitable for children, we are all good. I'm thinking of finding a way to jam my closet door so he can't peek in there, it's become a catch all, and then a bunch of stuff fell off my shelf a while back and blah blah blah, it's bad.

In other news, Kailyn still hates school

John's still doing better

I'm still infertile


Oh, and we can't sell our stupid Murano. Blue book value is 17,000, we're asking 16,000, but we'll settle on 15,500. Don't people realize I need money for a baby? I thought of putting "buy my car so I can buy a baby" on my windshield, but I didn't think people would find it too funny.