Hanke Brothers

Ok, I get annoyed by some commercials, Watsons, Crain, and Hanke lead the pack though. The new Hanke commercial really bothers me though, I mean is it just me or does it not look like he was trying to make a dating video. He looks like he wants to pounce on the camera if you know what I mean. This was evidently made so "lonely housewives" would want that Christopher Hanke to come "remodel" their house. As a housewife, I'm insulted, as a female, I'm offended, and as a human I'm repulsed. Yuck. I miss funny commercials. I guess it's still not as bad as "That's Watsons!" gag

Ice storm and Idiots

First of all, thanks for the hilarious comments you all leave! Crack on the bingo card, used gum markers, all too funny!!!

Now to tell of my experience yesterday. First of all I buy my groceries on Mondays or Tuesdays all the time. Most grocery stores restock on Sunday night and early Monday morning so I get the fresh stuff, and Tuesday is Senior Citizen day, and I like that crowd. They move slower, but they are polite, don't block isles, and will randomly give you advice (the good kind, not the pushy kind.) So I needed some groceries yesterday and went to the store after I picked Kailyn up from school. I knew it would be crowded because people love to freak out around here anytime someone mentions the possibility of ice, I didn't know I could find all of my pet peeves in one store though. I have 3 main pet peeves, bad hygene, rude people, and stupid people. Evidently yesterday was the national kroger convention for all of the rude/stupid people. They all seemed clean enough though. I also can't stand slow, but it doesn't always annoy me so much, but it sure did yesterday. I don't know how many times I couldn't get to what i needed, I only got about half of what was on my list, people were blocking isles, leaving there carts in the middle of the isles, and worst of all, they were browsing. I mean, they didn't even know what they wanted, they were just looking at stuff, being slow, and dumb. I was soooo frustrated byt he time I went to check out. I mean, when you run into someone, say excuse me! Don't be so freakin rude! Don't block isles, if you're thinking about what cheese you want, let the people through that know what stinkin cheese they want. I won't go into details, but I was insanely annoyed when I went to check out. Then of course someone cuts in line at the self checkout, but the lady next to me said something to her, and the cutter acted like she didn't notice us (whatever, rude.) Well, I check out, and I'm speedy at it, people are all in my personal space, but I'm trying to be nice about it. I go to leave, it's started raining, it's cold, and then some grumpy old man in a Cadillac almost hit me. He wasn't looking at anything, just determined to get that good spot. I almost wanted him to hit me, I was so mad I felt like I could have dented his car! I finally get to my car, it's raining so I tell Kailyn to just get in, I'll unload the groceries and put the cart up. For once in her life, she actually hurried up and was almost buckled when I see the bright yellow bananas siting by my purse in the cart. I never paid for them. Four stupid bananas. I tell Kailyn to get back out, I forgot to pay for the bananas, she looks at me like I'm crazy. I grab her hand and we run back in, go to the self check outs and get in line. I'm waiting behind this woman who doesn't realize two things, 1- she has too many items, 2- she'd too stupid to check herself out. I don't know how many times I wanted to just push her out of the way and tell her how to do it. She couldn't figure out why she had to keep waiting for an attendant, I knew it was because her kid was leaning on the scale thingy. If you're too dumb to check yourself out, then don't use the self checkout. I think that's really simple logic, but alas, it was idiot day at Kroger, so not many people shared my logic. I finally got to check out and paid 1.41 for my bananas and left. I wanted to run everyone over by the time I left. I was all calmed down when I finally got home, I realized I forgot something I needed for that night, but decided nothing was that important. I wasn't going back. Good thing everyone made that mad dash to the store yesterday, we sure are iced in. Wow.

Comments

I LOVE to read the comments left on my blog and this one in particular cracked me up! I wanted to make sure everyone read it. Here is Sister Martindale's response to my idea of Wal-Mart bingo

Blogger Martindale News said...

I think I want to play to. You are hilarious! Walmart bingo love the idea... what do we use to place on the cards for bingo or black out? Hummm maybe used gum off the floor would work! Any other ideas


Gum off the floor! That cracked John and I us so much on our way home the other day that we had tears in our eyes! (ya, I checked my blog on my crackberry, so what?)

Ok ok ok....

I am aware that my blog lacks a lot, but I think if you don't like it then get off my page. I am trying to be nicer, and by so doing, my blog is bland. I am hilarious when I'm mad, but I don't like being mad. More often than not I'll be mouthing off about something idiotic that occurred in my day and John will be listening to me in tears. I am trying to stop this though, so I am trying to be good. I did however find myself in Wal-Mart last night, so of course I got a little mouthy. I did come up with a new game though! I think I'll play it next time I go to Wal-Mart so it will be more enjoyable to me!!!
Here's the game... Wal-Mart bingo. You heard me! Grab some friends, and some paper and let the fun begin. What you do is make your own bingo card and fill in the squares with things you'll see at Wal-Mart. Each person makes their own card and walks around together, you call things out as you see them and mark your card. What would you see at wally world? You may be thinking detergent, potatoes, frozen pizza, hairbrush, stuff like that, but noooooo. I was thinking about other things. Here are some things I would put on my bingo Wal-Mart card...

mullet
perm
stretch marks
belly rings
70 plus year old lady in a mini skirt
cellulite
excess amounts of cleavage
woman without a bra
super long fake nails (the kind that curl)
baby alone in cart with no parent in sight
crazy lady with lots of blue eye shadow
person who hasn't bathed in daaaaaaaaays
random scary guy who hits on random trashy girl
etc

So grab your card and your friends and let the fun begin!!!

Kailyn's Haircut

Cutting Kailyn's hair is about like putting a sweater on a great dane. It seems like a good idea, but you'll quickly wish you'd never started. Nonetheless, I got it all done. Here's the proof. Oh, and why do you feel like crying when you cut your kids hair? It's like she keeps growing up, when clearly I want her to be a little girl forever.

About John

I thought I'd steal this because I'm too lazy to come up with my own idea :)

1. He's sitting in front of the tv. What's on the screen?
2 1/2 men reruns, CSI Miami, Mentalist

2. You are out to eat. What dressing does he get on his salad?
Italian

3. What's one food he doesn't like?
Tuna

4. You go out to a bar. What does he drink first?
He's the kinda guy who will throw back a dew or two (Mtn Dew that is)

5. Where did he go to high school?
Brinkley and Cabot High Schools

6. If he were to collect anything, what would it be?
tokens of Kailyn's love (notes, drawings, etc) and electronics cables

7. What shoe size does he wear?
12, even though he keeps thinking he wears a 10

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Ham sammiches

9. What would he eat every day if he could?
Steaks (yuck)

10. What would he never wear?
penny loafers (I would like to get him another nice pair of driving loafers though)

11. What is his favorite sports team?
Cardinals

12. What is something you do that he wishes you didn't do so much?
Nothing, I'm awesome

13. How many states has he lived in?
3 Arkansas, Texas, and Utah (and Guam, but that's not a state)

14. What is his heritage?
European-American (His family is pretty Germanish)

15. You bake him a cake for his birthday. What kind of cake would it be?
Cinnamon Rolls (I know, that's not a cake, but whatever)

16. Did he play sports in high school?
Nope, he played golf in the Air Force though, and softball too, and basketball, ok, that's it.

17. What could he spend hours doing?
working

kids say the darndest things

So I was tucking Kailyn in bed last night and I was sitting on the edge of her bed and she gave me a big hug and patted my belly and said "Wow Mom, it looks like you have a baby in there!"
AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~!
I simply said, i know, momma has a gut, no baby though (I know she really wants a brother/sister so she was not only pointing out the oh so obvious, she was also wondering if I was in fact pregnant)
Here's what I was thinking
Listen here you little hussy, I looked freaking amazing before I got pregnant with you! I was thin and had perky boobs, so before you go passing judgment on me you need to understand that you took my youth from me!
Not to mention I have been trying to give you a little brother or sister and that has been heck on my body and ever since I have stopped all artificial hormone things, I have gotten a little bigger, especially around my gut, which is where I gain weight, so don't judge me, and you gain weight on the top of your hips so there!

When enough is just enough!

Kailyn is spoiled. Very spoiled. I can blame it on anyone I want to, but the truth is, I did it. I buy her things all the time. She is so stinkin adorable, and I just love to dress her up and buy her things. There, I said it! I am ruining my wonderful daughter. Whew, what a relief.
I have known for a while it was getting bad, Kailyn would seem confused when we left a store and hadn't bought her anything. She would really wonder where her stuff was, because, evidently I had trained her to expect something from every store we go to. From GAP to Kroger, she got something. This is only part of where I went wrong.
Let's get to the good part though, the heartless mommy part (that's me.)
After Christmas I asked Kailyn to put her new things away, and finish picking up her room. This went on for days, I yelled a few times, threatened, whatever, but she just didn't seem to care. I had had enough. I calmly said, that is enough, I am doing it myself. Her eyes widened like she'd seen a ghost. She immediately started crying and wanted to call her Mamaw. I grabbed some trash bags and went to work. I decided she needed to know what it was like to only have what you need, and not everything you want. I guess she found my phone because next thing I knew my mom was on her way. Such a good Mamaw, but mean old me had to call off the calvary. I asked my mom to not come. She (being a mom of a messy daughter herself, me) knew what was up, and turned around and went home. Kailyn cried, she bawled, and huffed and sobbed. I kept working straight faced. I'm not really that mean though, I wanted to cry too. Actually I wanted to cry, take her to get some ice cream, and a toy, and a new outfit. I know! I'm sick! I kept up my work though. Then, I started the lecture, you know the one. There are kids in this world that only have the clothes on their backs, yadda yadda yadda. I then explained she only needed
1 mattress (no bed)
1 blanket
1 pillow
3 shirts
2 pairs of pants
1 pair of shoes (I'm pretty sure her heart stopped beating when I said this)
1 coat
After that, I got heartless and made her pick out what she wanted.
She had to pick out which she wanted, and say bye bye to the rest. I told her the TV was gone, DVD player, outta there, she wouldn't need her dresser anymore, and she didn't need her bunk bed either. None of it. I figured she could keep her room clean now. I then made her go get more trash bags for me. I told her I wasn't throwing it away, but I was going to give them to other children who didn't have as much.
That is when my heart melted. She stopped crying, went and got the bags, and began to help. She would pick up a toy and place it in the bag and say "I bet a little girl could really love this toy as much as I did. It would make her happy." she had different things to say about each toy or book, but it was like a dagger in my heart each time. Wow, I was too mean for my own good. So I made her a deal. She saw all of these bags filled up (13 to be exact) and there was still a mess in her room. I told her she could clean her own room. She could empty out these bags and pick what went into them, but I wanted all of these bags filled up when she was done. I then explained that even with these bags full, she still had a mess in her room, and her toy chest was still full. So she went to work. This has been going on for a few days, and she only has 7 bags filled up, but I'm making her finish it dangit! I can't loose credibility now, she's not even a teenager yet. Oh, and I bought her a new dress yesterday. :(