Laundry

Laundry is the worst of all household chores. I hate it. I don't usually mind washing and drying the clothes as long as someone else will do the folding and putting away, however, lately our dryer has been falling down on the job.
First of all, our home was poorly designed. Our laundry room is in the middle of the house (kind of) and the back of the dryer faces north, the vent for the dryer goes out a south facing wall. What? Who would do that? Oh, ya the idiot that designed this lovely home of mine (this is said spitefully because I'm annoyed.) The vent hose has 2 90 degree turns to make, and we all know how well moist lint filled air travels. Twice a year I have to have a chimney sweep (yes a chimney flippin sweep) come out and clean out my vent hose. When it is that lovely time of year I know because it will take 1 1/2 cycles to dry a medium/large load. Forbid I do something crazy like an extra large load. A couple of years ago when the dryer was insanely bad and the washer was squeaking I had a repair man come take a look at them. The washer, of course, refused to squeak, but he did look at the dryer and explain that this model holds lint and then explained that I needed a chimney sweep to come clean out my vent. He took the dryer apart and it looked like one huge lint ball, he vacuumed it out and put it back together charged my a hefty sum and left. Well the chimney sweep came out that day too and by the time I got home that evening I dried a load and was amazed! It dried about as fast as the washer washed. I was soo happy. I thought it was worth all the money I just threw at it! Well, it is slow again and the last time I just had a chimney sweep out, and I wasn't as impressed with the results. It was better, but not great. This time I decided "hey, I'm handy, I'll vaccum the dryer." Well, turns out I'm not handy I'm stupid and cheap.
I pulled the dryer out from the wall, unplugged it and took a good look at it. I looked on the internet for directions and wasn't impressed. I decided, how hard can this be? (I'm laughing at my dumb self right now) I got out John's ratchet set, found the proper thingy, but couldn't find the attachment to make the thingy go on the ratchet. I improvised (this part is embarrassing so I'm leaving it out, just trust me I'm improvised and it worked) I disassembled the back, allowing me to take off the top. I was impressed with myself. However, all I could see was the drum not to mention there were wires attaching the top the the motor, so I couldn't move it much. I then undid some screws for the front of the washer and realized it was still attached to the dumb drum. I also couldn't get the lower front off, which is what I really wanted to do anyway! I tried and tried and then admitted defeat and reassembled the top and back. What, you say what about screwing in the front? Oh, don't worry I forgot it. So I unscrewed the top, screwed the front back on and the re screwed the top. Then I was moving it back the begin the acrobatic part of re hooking the hose and realized the top was on crooked. So I unscrewed the top again (insert incoherent mumbling here like son of a monkey's butt, etc etc etc) any who I got it all put back together.
I pushed the crapper back and tried to do the hose. There are cabinets above me, the washer to my right and I can't get between the two because of the nice "snug" fit. so I have one boob on one side of the dryer and the other boob on the back side (to help with balance of course) while sitting on the washer. Thank goodness I have monkey arms so I could reach the vent hose. I started to hook it in and realized I didn't have enough hose to reach so I crawled down, hit my head on the stupid cabinets, stepped on an acorn with my bare foot (don't ask why we have an acorn in the laundry room, just remember we have a 7 year old and that explains that) pushed the dryer back a bit, climbed back on the washer re braced myself (with my tatas) and went after it again. I got it hooked up! I got down (watched my head this time) scooted the dryer back, but pushed it too far so I crimped the house, pulled it back out climbed back on, didn't use my boobs this time, so I fell a little bit with my feet in the air caught myself with my hand before I hit the floor with my head (which still hurts by the way) fixed the house pulled my fat self up, griped about how much easier this would have been when I was younger and then looked at the dryer. It was out way to far. I pushed it in slightly, climbed back on the washer, put one leg down behind the dryer bent over kinked the hose slightly, pulled the dryer up closer to me and checked the hose. It was good I climbed out in some kind of cirque du soleil move and left that horrible room to get the wet laundry to put back in the dryer. I hate laundry and am never doing it again!