Due to many requests.......the possum

I've had some requests to tell the possum story, so here it goes, it's a long one, this has been going on for a year.

First, I love our house, it's not big, but it's big enough. I love our neighborhood, we are around other families like us, not a bunch of renters. We are close to Kailyn's school, which means we are by a playground. Oh, and we've redone pretty much everything, which means, it's just like I like it.
Second, I used to love wildlife, I'm a sucker for animals, any mammal is my friend. Yes, that means I'm heartless when it comes to reptiles, well some of them, like snakes.
Third, I used to like squirrels.

More background:
-We used to have a nice wooded area and huge field by our neighborhood......used to.
-Wildlife lived there
-Wildlife had moved, to our neighborhood
-I hate wildlife

Ok, now to the fun part. Rats, quite possible the most disgusting of creations. Nasty, greasy germy, virus ridden, bacteria covered rodents... Ugh, I feel sick.

Well maybe you need more background, I hate germs. I sometimes throw things away because I can't get them "clean enough." You could have performed surgery in my bedroom in high school, yes, it was that clean. Oh, what a joyous feeling just thinking about it, but I digress. Back to the rats.

Rats moved into our neighborhood, along with raccoons, possums, excessive amounts of squirrels, rabbits, etc. These rats found a way to get under my deck (which is why we ripped it up and replaced it with concrete, take that nasty hooker rats.) These rats also found a hole in my concrete slab and found a way to get under our bathroom tub in Kailyn's bathroom. Long story short we could sometimes smell their urine and no amount of alcohol, glorious alcohol, can fix that. The smell of urine now creates an inner rage in me that would make the Incredible Hulk jealous.

Now to the possums, told you this was long. The stupid possums like to hang around and piss my dog off, hence making her bark, thereby making me furious. I don't like waking up at 2 am just to call the dog off so they will go away. These ignorant creatures will just stay put when they feel threatened, no matter the situation. Well, John and I decided we should just start shooting them with a b b gun or a pellet gun, maybe that would scare them off. I actually wanted to by a freaking rifle and shoot the little crappers, but John wouldn't let me. We settled on borrowing my brothers old b b gun instead. Well Friday night Kailyn was spending the night with my parents so John and I had a date (we went to Target) and then we decided to by b b's just in case the possum came back that night. Off the Wal-Mart we went. While looking for the correct size of ammunition we ran across a semi automatic pellet gun, my heart raced, John laughed at me, we didn't buy it. We got what we needed and went home. While pulling into the driveway I asked John if he thought we'd get to use it tonight, he said he hoped so. We get out of the car and hear Annabelle barking......YAYE, let's do this! Well, I ran in and loaded that gun up so fast. John kept a light of that dumb nasty ugly freak of a creature and I started shooting. Well, just so you know you can shoot a possum 30 times and it won't move. John took some shots, hit him in the face even, and he wouldn't move. He was now bleeding, but still on our fence. I was determined to make him leave and never return.
Warning: This next part will show a side of me some of you don't know about, and may find shocking, so if you like the sweet, nice, loving Katie, don't read. If you actually know me, read on, you won't be shocked.
John went in real quick and I moved in closer and started aiming for more "delicate" spots (the underside of his butt.) Well, that scared him because he peed on my fence. Well possum urine smells like rat piss and so I felt this inner rage. I swear my eyes turned red. I starting pumping that gun so fast and moving in. I was going to kill that #!&%* even if it killed me. I was mumbling incoherently about rodents and how I hated them all, even squirrels now. They all needed to die, die, die! Well he was now bleeding and still sitting on that fence, I had flames coming from my ears, steam off my head, and b b's from my gun. Well he was holding on for dear life, so I shot his foot. Yes, I did, I know, ruthless, I don't care that crapper pissed on my fence. John came back out to see me pumping and shooting as fast as I could. He asked what happened while his was in the house, and I told him that the crapper was stupid enough to piss on my fence and then asked him if he knew that possum piss smelled like rat piss. I then picked up a rock and started throwing rocks at him to knock him off our fence. That didn't work, he wouldn't let go. John suggesting just knocking him over with a rake, but then I explained if the rake touched him, the rake would become dead to me. Well, due to the recent construction, we have these huge dirt clumps, made of nice clay soil. I used those to knock him off our side, but he was hanging on the other side of the fence, I could still see his tail. I then threw the clumps over the fence until there was no sign of him left. Thank goodness my daddy taught me how to not throw like I girl.

Long story short, there is a heavily wounded possum, probably blind in one eye, with b b's up his butt, walking around on 3 legs, with a sever concussion. When he comes back, I'm buying that semi automatic pellet gun. Teach that thing to piss on my fence.